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How to Create a Fantastic Relationship with your Child

By Winsome Coutts

When you ask parents what is the most important thing in their life, they usually answer "my relationship with my kids". Why is it that so many parents struggle in creating a close and loving relationship with their kids?

Why do we want to create good relationships with our kids?

The main reason is we know that fantastic parent-child relationships build the foundations for a healthy future adult.

Healthy functioning adults grow from children who feel loved, valued for who they are, confident and stable. Our relationship with them has a direct bearing on these outcomes.

Out of all of these, the feeling of being truly loved by a parent is the most powerful influence on future growth. So what is the fastest way to create a fantastic relationship with your child? Help them to know and feel your love for them.

Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell's book "The Five Love Languages of Children" help to explain that helping a child feel loved is not as simple as it sounds.

They have shown that people feel love through one of five ways – physical touch, words, gifts, time and acts of service.

So, some people feel loved when they are hugged or through other physical contact. Other people feel loved when they are told they are loved and how special they are through words.

Some people feel loved when they are bought small trinkets and gifts while others feel loved when the person they care about spends time with them. Finally, others feel loved when someone does nice things for them without being asked – such as turning down their bed for them and laying out their pyjamas.

What is your child’s preferred method of feeling loved? Each person has a preferred method of feeling loved. So – if for example your child's preferred method is time they want to spend time with you, just hanging out together to feel loved.

The challenge is we communicate our love to others using our preferred love language. So if for example I need words to feel loved, I will use words to tell others how much they mean to me.

The difficulty comes when your child’s preferred method doesn't match your method of communication. This could mean you are telling your child how much you love them on a consistent basis – but your child doesn't feel loved because what they truly need to feel loved is your time.

If you want to create a fantastic relationship with your child you need to understand their love language and communicate to them in their language.

So how do you learn their language? First take time just to watch them – how do they show you that they love you and others? They will use the language that is most natural to them.

Listen to your child

Do they ask to do things together, do they ask for a special treat to be brought home or do they ask for a hug. Also listen to their complaints – do they complain you never buy them a surprise or you never have time for them. Kids will tell you what they want using their preferred love language.

By using your detective skills you will learn your child's love language. It is up to you to regularly and consistently show your child that you love them using their language. By doing this you will be well on the way to building a fantastic relationship with your child.

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Winsome Coutts is the passion behind the new self help authority site, www.4lifeselfhelp.com. She is a lifelong student of personal development, meditation and goal setting. In the pursuit of her own dreams, she has created www.4lifeselfhelp.com as a tool to help others find success and happiness along with resources to live an abundant life.

Visit www.4lifeselfhelp.com today to take advantage of their resource library, free articles, resource tools and guidance.

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